One of the most common frustrations parents raise with us, is trying to help their child with homework.
You want them to become independent, so you don't want to do everything for them.
But you also know that leaving them completely on their own when they're struggling probably isn’t going to help them improve.
And then there's another problem: Sometimes they don't want your help anyway.
You offer a perfectly reasonable suggestion and suddenly you're the most annoying person in the world.
"I KNOW!"
"That's not how my teacher does it!"
"Stop looking at my work!"
Children can be particularly sensitive to criticism from their parents, even when the advice is perfectly sound. Having mum or dad hovering over their shoulder can make them feel like they're being treated like a baby (nobody likes that).
Do the homework together, separately
This might sound like a contradiction, but instead of sitting beside your child and helping them with their homework, have a go at the same task yourself.
Let's say they've got a comprehension exercise to complete.
Get yourself a copy.
Sit at the same table, and do it too.
Or if they've been asked to write a short story, you write one as well.
The important thing is that you're working independently.
No helping each other.
No checking each other's answers.
You're both doing the same thing, at the same time, in the same room.
Let them see how you work
One of the benefits of this is that your child gets to see how you approach something challenging.
Perhaps you read a comprehension question and have to go back through the passage to find the answer.
Perhaps you struggle to think of a good opening sentence for your story.
Perhaps you get distracted and have to bring yourself back to the work.
It’s particularly useful if you find the work difficult yourself.
Your child gets to see an adult working through a problem, making decisions, correcting mistakes and sticking with something difficult.
And simply having somebody else working quietly alongside them can make it easier to settle down and concentrate.
Now swap your work
This is where it gets interesting.
Once you've both finished, swap your work.
You get theirs.
They get yours.
And now they get to mark it.
Children LOVE playing teacher.
Suddenly they're the one pointing out spelling mistakes, questioning your answers and telling you that you could add some more ambitious vocabulary.
You might even find yourself being told to use a LinkyThinks Word Wheel.
And because they're allowed to criticise your work, they're often much more willing to accept feedback on theirs.
It becomes a conversation between two people who've attempted the same challenge.
Let them teach you
There's something really valuable about giving children the opportunity to explain what somebody else could improve.
If your child says your comprehension answer is wrong, ask them why.
What did you miss?
Where in the text can they find the evidence?
How would they have answered it differently?
If they think your creative writing is boring, ask them to suggest something better.
Now they're having to apply their own knowledge to somebody else's work.
They're practising the very skills we're trying to teach them.
And they're doing it from a position of confidence, rather than feeling like they're constantly being corrected.
Take the pressure off
Of course, you don't need to do this with every piece of homework - some tasks will lend themselves to it better than others.
But it's a lovely way to change the atmosphere around learning.
You can even make a bit of a competition out of it, provided it stays friendly.
Who can find the most evidence in the text?
Who can write the most interesting opening sentence?
Who can spot the most things worth improving?
The shared experience gives you something to discuss afterwards, and helps your child see you as somebody who is learning alongside them.
Independence grows through support
Children need opportunities to work independently, make mistakes and develop their own ways of thinking.
But independence takes time to build.
The right support can make that process easier, especially when children are struggling with confidence or finding certain tasks overwhelming.
So next time your child refuses your help, try getting out your own pen and paper and have a go yourself.
You might be surprised how much they learn from teaching you.
How LinkyThinks can help
At LinkyThinks, we help children build the English, reasoning, writing and communication skills they need for school, 11+, entrance exams and beyond.
Our online classes help children think more carefully, explain ideas more confidently and develop stronger habits across creative writing, comprehension, vocabulary and reasoning.
If your child is preparing for 11+, entrance exams or GCSE English, our online tutoring can help them build those skills in a supportive, engaging environment.
You might also find these useful:
How much help should you give your child with their homework?
Finding the balance between supporting your child and encouraging them to work independently.
Try getting it wrong, to help them get it right
Why letting children spot and correct your mistakes can be a brilliant way to develop their understanding.
Why children are bad at checking their work
Simple techniques to help children recognise mistakes, edit their writing and become more effective proofreaders.