Your child doesn't need to feel confident to get started

Confidence plays an enormous role in how children learn.

It affects whether they'll put their hand up in class, attempt a difficult question, read aloud or have another go at something they've previously struggled with.

And confidence can be a fragile thing.

It's surprisingly easy to lose, and sometimes painfully difficult to get back.

As parents, we naturally want our children to believe in themselves, so we tell them how brilliant, talented, clever and capable they are.

But there's only so much reassurance can do.

Confidence is a bit of a Catch-22

There's a term psychologists use called self-efficacy.

It describes how strongly somebody believes in their ability to complete a particular task.

Research has shown a strong relationship between this belief and academic performance.

A child who believes they're terrible at creative writing might avoid it, put in less effort or give up when things become difficult.

But without the experience of improving, how are they supposed to become more confident?

They don't think they can do it, so they don't try.

And because they don't try, they never get to discover that they can.

It's a frustrating cycle, particularly when we can see that a child is capable of much more than they believe.

Confidence comes from doing

One of the biggest misconceptions children have about confidence is that it's something they need to feel before they can begin.

"I'm not confident enough to read aloud."

"I'm rubbish at writing stories."

"I'm no good at maths."

They imagine confident people start things because they already know they'll be good at them.

But think about how we learn almost any skill.

When a child first learns to ride a bike, they're likely terrible at it.

They might fall off, lose their balance, put their feet down.

But they try again, and eventually something changes.

They manage a few metres, then a little further.

Then suddenly they're riding without thinking about it.

The confidence arrives because they've proved to themselves that they can do it.

And once that confidence rears its head, they're more willing to practise, improve and enjoy themselves.

Let them experience being bad at something

Nobody likes feeling incompetent, especially children

And watching your child struggle with something you know they could do can be incredibly frustrating.

Our instinct is often to step in, rescue them or reassure them that they're actually brilliant.

Learning to tolerate being a beginner is an important skill.

With the right support, these moments become opportunities to discover that difficulty is something they can work through.

And that experience is worth far more than being told they're amazing.

Give them evidence that they're improving

One of the most effective things you can do is help your child recognise their own progress.

Instead of telling them, "You're such a brilliant writer!", try something more specific.

"Remember when you couldn't think of how to start a story? Look how much easier you're finding that now."

Or:

"Last week you needed help with every comprehension question. Today you managed three completely on your own."

You're giving them something they can believe: Evidence.

Evidence that the next difficult thing might also become easier with practice.

The confidence comes afterwards

This is such an important lesson to teach children, especially as they move towards 11+, entrance exams, secondary school and GCSEs.

They're going to encounter things they find difficult.

Things they don't immediately understand.

Things they're not naturally good at.

And that's fine.

They don't have to feel confident before they begin.

Sometimes, all they need is enough encouragement to have a go.

The confidence can catch up later.

How LinkyThinks can help

At LinkyThinks, we help children build the English, reasoning, writing and communication skills they need for school, 11+, entrance exams and beyond.

Our online classes help children think more carefully, explain ideas more confidently and develop stronger habits across creative writing, comprehension, vocabulary and reasoning.

If your child is preparing for 11+, entrance exams or GCSE English, our online tutoring can help them build those skills in a supportive, engaging environment.

You might also find these useful:

Building confidence in children: Competence over compliments

Why genuine confidence comes from experience and achievement rather than constant praise.

Try getting it wrong, to help them get it right

How deliberately making mistakes can help children think independently and build confidence in their abilities.

How much help should you give your child with their homework?

Finding the balance between supporting your child and allowing them to develop their own independence.